Things have gotten a little bit slow here or rather I've gotten a little bit slow. You see life has felt somewhat tough and it's been hard as a family to try and catch a breath. When you live with someone or suffer from depression (or as we called it being an exhausted pigeon) it drains all of your energy, you sort of lose all purpose of doing anything. Come September there are going to be changes at home, Lizzie starts her new class and Eva starts school. Both milestones I'm dreading and I’m struggling to adjust to. Life is flying by so fast that it feels a bit like I'm drowning. I think it's safe to say this applies to my husband too. I am all too aware of these feelings having suffered on and off for many years with depression and thanks to seeing previous counsellors I know the tools to try and help us through these times. What works for me is to keep busy, to do something with my time. Years ago when I felt like this I would sew, hence how KnittyKnotts started. It would give me the break in my mind. My hands would be busy and my brain would be thinking of other things other than sad thoughts. Unfortunately because this is now my job it doesn't give me that same relief that I am so desperately craving. I've pulled back from sewing, I've reduced my work load slightly not massively but enough for me to spend some time doing something else, I'm not posting as much work on social media instead I've fallen back in love with interiors again and my garden has become a sanctuary. Nothing too brain taxing but enough to stop sadness from seeping in. I've picked up a paint brush and painted anything I can. I've had my boy knock up some window boxes so I can prettify the house. A bit like painting on a mask only instead of on my face it's on our home.
It's been a couple of months since I've pulled back on the sewing front and I do miss picking up a needle and thread everyday and I so want to get back on the ball with it but I just can't muster the energy. It's like my passion has gone but I know it hasn't not really it's just the exhausted pigeon in me.
I'm not quite sure why I've felt the need to explain myself on a blog post as to why I've pulled back from me, but it feels good to put it down. For now though I'm going to continue mulling along, enjoy life's small pleasures with my family because they are the best therapy I need at the moment. I'm going to enjoy summer with my girls and the boy before school starts back and life starts a new chapter.
Mrs KnittyKnotts aka An Exhausted Pigeon